Day 714 - Push vs pull - https://golifelog.com/posts/push-vs-pull-1671070344128
The past few weekly recaps revealed an interesting trend. I'm filling out entire pages full of ideas for my Plugins For Carrd project.
It's like I'm sensing so many opportunities, chancing on new ideas for plugins, discovering business ideas to try, and things to optimise for Plugins.
But here's the weird thing:
I'd decided to drop my main project and no longer have any main projects.
I'd decided that all my projects will stay as small bets, even if they get big.
I'd decided to spend more time on Plugins For Carrd, even if it stays a small bet.
I'm not sure how the newfound opportunities figure in my decisions to keep things small, but everything about the reality seems to be contradicting these decisions.
I'm spending more time, yet I call it a small bet?
I'm working on it mostly, yet it's not my main project?
I have a deluge of new opportunities and ideas, yet I care about it being big or small?
I've been pulled forward all along by it, yet I'm telling myself to not push?
Am I in denial about the project? Indulging in self-deception or protecting some part of my ego here?
Or do we always have to conflate effort spent to a project's priority/size?
I think I've spent lots of time and effort on previous projects with huge expectations, yet nothing to show for. Perhaps I can now try spending *some* time and effort with little/zero expectations, yet show some degree of results/success.
Or maybe I'm simply not used to working hard on a product pulling me forward, while reining in my expectations and emotions for it?
I have many questions. More questions than answers.
Many contradictions and paradoxes.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Writing to figure it out and mirror back the hard questions to myself...
It's like I'm sensing so many opportunities, chancing on new ideas for plugins, discovering business ideas to try, and things to optimise for Plugins.
But here's the weird thing:
I'd decided to drop my main project and no longer have any main projects.
I'd decided that all my projects will stay as small bets, even if they get big.
I'd decided to spend more time on Plugins For Carrd, even if it stays a small bet.
I'm not sure how the newfound opportunities figure in my decisions to keep things small, but everything about the reality seems to be contradicting these decisions.
I'm spending more time, yet I call it a small bet?
I'm working on it mostly, yet it's not my main project?
I have a deluge of new opportunities and ideas, yet I care about it being big or small?
I've been pulled forward all along by it, yet I'm telling myself to not push?
Am I in denial about the project? Indulging in self-deception or protecting some part of my ego here?
Or do we always have to conflate effort spent to a project's priority/size?
I think I've spent lots of time and effort on previous projects with huge expectations, yet nothing to show for. Perhaps I can now try spending *some* time and effort with little/zero expectations, yet show some degree of results/success.
Or maybe I'm simply not used to working hard on a product pulling me forward, while reining in my expectations and emotions for it?
I have many questions. More questions than answers.
Many contradictions and paradoxes.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Writing to figure it out and mirror back the hard questions to myself...