Day 696 - Permissionless rest - https://golifelog.com/posts/permissionless-rest-1669539317132
I’ve not had a lazy Sunday in a long time.
Just time to do nothing. Watch Youtube videos all day. Sit around. Lie on the bed. Eating. Drinking. And the most productive thing I did was just writing this post.
Much needed, really.
It’s not about not working and just being lazy, but about feeling permissionless rest.
Truth is, I’ve not felt like I have permission to rest for the past 3 years now. There’s always a crisis to manage, big or small. Survival matters. Money. COVID. Business. Baby. Everything combined feels amplified to a point where it’s life and death.
Once or twice, it’s manageable.
But chronically over years is when problems emerge. Chronic health problems. From stress, anxiety, anger. Chronic comes when it’s hard to let go.
And stubborn that I am, I’m not so good at letting go, even though I’d like to think I am, with all the Buddhist teachings I learned and meditation practices I practiced. Faaar from it.
I wished I could manage this better, but some factors are outside of my control. And the stakes are ever higher as a father and husband now, something I struggled with.
If being an indie solopreneur was playing life in hard mode, I don’t know what mode being that plus being a new dad and husband and son to elderly parents is. Legendary mode? Impossible mode?
I can only try my best.
And find more permissionless rest to sustain my climb.
Just time to do nothing. Watch Youtube videos all day. Sit around. Lie on the bed. Eating. Drinking. And the most productive thing I did was just writing this post.
Much needed, really.
It’s not about not working and just being lazy, but about feeling permissionless rest.
Truth is, I’ve not felt like I have permission to rest for the past 3 years now. There’s always a crisis to manage, big or small. Survival matters. Money. COVID. Business. Baby. Everything combined feels amplified to a point where it’s life and death.
Once or twice, it’s manageable.
But chronically over years is when problems emerge. Chronic health problems. From stress, anxiety, anger. Chronic comes when it’s hard to let go.
And stubborn that I am, I’m not so good at letting go, even though I’d like to think I am, with all the Buddhist teachings I learned and meditation practices I practiced. Faaar from it.
I wished I could manage this better, but some factors are outside of my control. And the stakes are ever higher as a father and husband now, something I struggled with.
If being an indie solopreneur was playing life in hard mode, I don’t know what mode being that plus being a new dad and husband and son to elderly parents is. Legendary mode? Impossible mode?
I can only try my best.
And find more permissionless rest to sustain my climb.